Hey Everyone,
I hate it has been such a big time span difference
since my last blogs were posted, but this week has been kind of hectic. Some of
you know, others don't, that I had to be hospitalized about a week ago after
being in miserable pain for about 12 hours on end without any break or signs of
stopping. I eventually found out it was just a kidney stone, after the doctors
first misdiagnosed and told me it was either appendicitis or I was having
a ectopic pregnancy and possibly miscarrying. Let me just say, those few hours
living in the unknown were the scariest hours of my life. I was overly relieved
for it to only be a kidney stone, and an ovarian cyst to be worried about at
moment.
Today, I have had a lot of things on my
mind. Families, my family to be more precise. As Shyloh gets older he is
realizing more and more. His 4th birthday is coming up faster and faster. March
16th is right around the corner. He isn't getting any younger, and sure isn't
going to be forgetting as much as he used too. There are lots of Shy's life I
am beyond thankful that he has forgotten, to be quite honest with you all. It's
just easier that way.
He said to me today, while climbing in the
bed with me and his daddy, his stuffed Border Collie needed a name. I told him
the story of this said Border Collie that her name was Baby, and I got her a
long time ago at Build-A-Bear. That we used to have a Border Collie, who had
gotten lost, named Baby. That my Grandmother got her for me to help with my grieving.
As serious as he could be, he said, well I'm going to name her Grandmother,
because he doesn't have a Grandmother. My heart shattered. He was aware of this
fact. He is well aware that my mother, nor Trenton's mother are around. It just
absolutely broke my heart.
Every year his birthdays seem to get smaller
and smaller, when my little love is steady growing and becoming such an amazing
soul. Every year I have less people to come celebrate the birth of my beautiful
son. I think on the list this year I have MAYBE 12 people in mind, and that is
if they even all come. The year before I had over 20 people at his party, the
year before more. His first birthday was huge, there were so many people who
showed up! As a mother, this hurts, it hurts knowing how many people are gone,
how many people have changed and moved on from our lives. Unfortunately, some
people we have purposely removed from our lives.
My mother for instance, is one of the
people I have made the personal decision to remove from my life, and therefore
Shyloh's life also. They have met, maybe 6-7 times. She really wasn't the
mother type, and I knew she would be just as much heartache for Shy as she has
always been for me, so it's just easier this way. I plan on doing a blog solely
about my mother, and my younger years at a later date.
Things change, life isn't fair, and it’s
not a fairytale. Things DON'T go according to plan. Shit happens. These are constantly
replaying in my head as Shyloh's party approaches. I get more and more down,
knowing there is a high chance Shyloh won't even have another child to play
with at his party. Whereas every other year he did. He won't have as many
presents, which isn't the most important thing to a party, I know, it's just a
fact. This year I won't have to buy as big of a cake. This year I won't have to
rent anywhere out because there will be plenty of room. This year will be a
small party, among a small amount of us. Everyone I invite does adore Shyloh, I
don't have a doubt in my mind about that... It's just sad, to me how much everything
has become so different in his growing years. Maybe I am just that
over-reacting-mother. I know Shyloh is going to be so pleased to see what his
daddy and I have been planning for him. I just wish he has some friends to
enjoy it with.
I guess this was more of a venting session
more than a blog tonight. I just really needed to get some of this off my
chest. As always, I appreciate the ones who read, it really makes me happy that
you guys are interested in our crazy, Creech-y lives. I am so happy to be documenting
it for you guys!
I also will be going back to each blog and adding pictures! So that
is something exciting to look forward to in the next few days! My computer with
that had all my pictures on it has seen better days, and needed to cleaned and
fixed. I will getting all the pictures off of it and will be able to sort
through them and find the best pictures for each blog! Yay!
As always thanks for reading,
Love Lindsey,
Mother Creech xx