Things Change

Hey Everyone,

I hate it has been such a big time span difference since my last blogs were posted, but this week has been kind of hectic. Some of you know, others don't, that I had to be hospitalized about a week ago after being in miserable pain for about 12 hours on end without any break or signs of stopping. I eventually found out it was just a kidney stone, after the doctors first misdiagnosed and told me it was either appendicitis or I was having a ectopic pregnancy and possibly miscarrying. Let me just say, those few hours living in the unknown were the scariest hours of my life. I was overly relieved for it to only be a kidney stone, and an ovarian cyst to be worried about at moment.

Today, I have had a lot of things on my mind. Families, my family to be more precise. As Shyloh gets older he is realizing more and more. His 4th birthday is coming up faster and faster. March 16th is right around the corner. He isn't getting any younger, and sure isn't going to be forgetting as much as he used too. There are lots of Shy's life I am beyond thankful that he has forgotten, to be quite honest with you all. It's just easier that way. 

He said to me today, while climbing in the bed with me and his daddy, his stuffed Border Collie needed a name. I told him the story of this said Border Collie that her name was Baby, and I got her a long time ago at Build-A-Bear. That we used to have a Border Collie, who had gotten lost, named Baby. That my Grandmother got her for me to help with my grieving. As serious as he could be, he said, well I'm going to name her Grandmother, because he doesn't have a Grandmother. My heart shattered. He was aware of this fact. He is well aware that my mother, nor Trenton's mother are around. It just absolutely broke my heart. 

Every year his birthdays seem to get smaller and smaller, when my little love is steady growing and becoming such an amazing soul. Every year I have less people to come celebrate the birth of my beautiful son. I think on the list this year I have MAYBE 12 people in mind, and that is if they even all come. The year before I had over 20 people at his party, the year before more. His first birthday was huge, there were so many people who showed up! As a mother, this hurts, it hurts knowing how many people are gone, how many people have changed and moved on from our lives. Unfortunately, some people we have purposely removed from our lives. 

My mother for instance, is one of the people I have made the personal decision to remove from my life, and therefore Shyloh's life also. They have met, maybe 6-7 times. She really wasn't the mother type, and I knew she would be just as much heartache for Shy as she has always been for me, so it's just easier this way. I plan on doing a blog solely about my mother, and my younger years at a later date. 

Things change, life isn't fair, and it’s not a fairytale. Things DON'T go according to plan. Shit happens. These are constantly replaying in my head as Shyloh's party approaches. I get more and more down, knowing there is a high chance Shyloh won't even have another child to play with at his party. Whereas every other year he did. He won't have as many presents, which isn't the most important thing to a party, I know, it's just a fact. This year I won't have to buy as big of a cake. This year I won't have to rent anywhere out because there will be plenty of room. This year will be a small party, among a small amount of us. Everyone I invite does adore Shyloh, I don't have a doubt in my mind about that... It's just sad, to me how much everything has become so different in his growing years. Maybe I am just that over-reacting-mother. I know Shyloh is going to be so pleased to see what his daddy and I have been planning for him. I just wish he has some friends to enjoy it with. 

I guess this was more of a venting session more than a blog tonight. I just really needed to get some of this off my chest. As always, I appreciate the ones who read, it really makes me happy that you guys are interested in our crazy, Creech-y lives. I am so happy to be documenting it for you guys!

I also will be going back to each blog and adding pictures! So that is something exciting to look forward to in the next few days! My computer with that had all my pictures on it has seen better days, and needed to cleaned and fixed. I will getting all the pictures off of it and will be able to sort through them and find the best pictures for each blog! Yay!

As always thanks for reading,

Love Lindsey,

Mother Creech xx